Gruntled and Sheveled and Whelmed, Oh My!

2011-11-20T12:02:00.001-05:00

Having an early Turkey Day w/ the inlaws today. #GobbleGobble

Falter [Star Trek TOS Fanfiction - McCoy POV - one-shot]

2011-09-27T18:14:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I wrote much of anything just for fun. This may not make much sense to you if you're not familiar with the original Star Trek series characters. Let me know what you think? Comments may encourage me to resurrect this blog!

Title: Falter

Fandom: Star Trek Original Series (TOS) but could work for Reboot/2009
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Angst (at least that is my intention...)
Characters: McCoy
Word count: ~435
Rating: K+/PG for medically related icky stuff
Summary: McCoy suffers a crisis of faith.

Dark eyes met mine; my heart splintered.

It was over.

The voices that chanted my internal mantra – those nudging voices that assured me this day would never come; those insistent voices whispering how the tables would never get turned against him and that unbreakable faith that he had, knowing we would always win, no matter the odds; those pressing voices demanding that the strength of his belief meant I could do nothing but believe it, too – those voices fell silent. Instead, one quiet, crushing voice mocked me. It was my fault for not believing enough. My lack of faith in him, in them, in us – had let that impossible scenario become reality.

Unguarded eyes boring into me belied the man’s apparent calm. In answer to his unspoken plea, the fragment of myself that remained the consummate professional, despite my despair, nodded toward the exam area, and because I didn’t trust my full voice not to break, I whispered the words with a hope I did not feel. “Let’s take a look.”

With exquisite care, the silent figure laid the impossibly broken body on the biobed. The immediate assessment of the readout panel showed the heartbeat to be implausibly slow, but there. Respiration, blood pressure, everything – depressed but there.

With so much damage, bodies bleed out fast. Death should have been almost immediate, and yet…

And yet…

Readings showed the man was alive. Negligibly, improbably, but, still…alive.

Puzzled, I looked from my patient to the man who had delivered him. Though he’d moved to make room for my ministrations, he had never completely broken contact. One hand remained, fingers spread, on the face of his unconscious companion. Realization hit me.

A mind-meld. He must have acted instantly, with the instinct that made these two a formidable team. He’d slowed the heart of his friend to reduce the volume of blood the heart would have otherwise pumped out of the wounds onto the ground. He would have had to then back off on the meld briefly to order the direct-to-medbay beam-up.

I had known of his people’s ability to control body functions with their mind, but as far as I knew, it had never been extended to another person.

Leave it to this pair to go where no one had gone before.

My internal mantra resumed, once again aiding me in relegating no-win scenarios to the plane of non-existence. Strengthened in my belief, I looked up, a mere acolyte, meeting the eyes of the chief apostle of our common faith.

Together, we can do this.

Revived, I gave Spock a determined smile and together, we began the familiar ritual of saving Jim.

You've spent too much time on facebook...

2011-03-01T11:07:00.000-05:00

...when you read something you agree with in a forum, and get frustrated because you can't click "Like"

Speaking of forums, the ever-amazing Heather at Home Ec 101 has just officially opened up forums for the site. Go sign up and jump in.

And if you've never been to Home Ec 101, shame on you. Go and get started over there now by reading my post about how to make the best darn coleslaw in the world. Then go sign up for the forums and say howdy to everyone. See you there!

Practical Optimism

2011-02-10T00:29:00.000-05:00

Keep moving forward,
looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.
Walk your path with quiet serenity.
In this manner,
you will easily be able to know
with absolute clarity
whether that light is the end of your darkness...
or an oncoming train.

O.O

Cuddly Vampires

2010-05-15T12:10:00.000-04:00

In the limited book section of our Walmart, over 10% of titles are vampire related.

I blame Joss Whedon.

And myself, because I fell for it.

BTW, Vampires do not bloody sparkle!

(Go Team Spike!)

Note to self

2010-03-29T20:51:00.001-04:00

If you have a ladybug infestation, do not eat in the dark, unless you don't mind extra protein and crunch!

Robot Journalists -- that's so crazy...it just might work...

2010-03-24T18:21:00.000-04:00

Oh, Japan, you wacky robot-obsessed nuts! Lookit you, alla time comin' up with break-dancing robots and singing robots and doggy robots. But this time - whoa baby! - this time I believe you have done a true service to mankind.

A robot journalist that would notice something is different/changed/wrong, and then...investigate! Ask questions. Take pictures. Do research. Get the story out. Be neutral and objective.

That would be so...refreshing!

Until they get hacked. Or contract a nasty agenda virus.

Then they'll just look like every other robotic-shill reporter out there. Only slightly less rusty.

Figment

2010-03-01T20:46:00.000-05:00

The woman you married
never existed

She was a figment
of our imaginations

What you thought I was
and what I thought you wanted

And now it's too hard
to go on pretending
I've any idea
what I'm supposed to be.

Sploosh

2010-02-26T09:21:00.000-05:00

Clara felt all warm and squishy inside, much like the banana cream pie that had just landed, as she knew it would, precisely and squarely in the face of her trigonometry teacher.

“Let the games begin,” Clara whispered to herself.

After a moment of hesitation, wherein not a soul was able to process the fact that a freshly-baked banana cream pie had appeared from nowhere, mid-toss, and proceeded from there to a splooshy finish on Ms. Rathbun’s face, the classroom erupted.

In a flash, the air was filled with banana cream pies, simultaneously flying from every possible angle in the room, each appearing mid-way to its destination. Only one face was left undefiled.

Eventually, all would realize it had been Clara, even though she hadn’t moved as much as an eyelash. Perhaps because of that, and because she had remained unsoiled.

Clara trembled with anticipation of the official response. If The Banana Cream Massacre failed to get her expelled or suspended, or it didn’t even rate a lousy detention, she would know beyond a doubt that they were, as she had suspected, completely terrified of her. Clara would be calling the shots.

And Bergdale High was only the beginning.

The Ending of the Tail(s)

2010-02-14T10:09:00.000-05:00

If you haven't read about the wrens in our house, go here first. Don't forget to come back.

It was somewhat annoying, yes, but also kind of cute to have two little birds poking about, exploring, and really just hanging out with us for a few days. If they wore little underpants or diapers, I would have been totally okay with it for a while longer.

The first wren that came in was extremely curious about everything. Sometimes he would just sit and watch what you were doing until you shooed him away or he decided, "Bored now." He was into every little nook he could find, having a ball just exploring a people house. It's like Disneyland for wrens, but with an all-you-can-eat ladybug buffet. (We've had ladybugs that apparently aren't technically ladybugs ever since moving here, and so do lots of other folks. You just try to ignore them and sweep up the dead ones.) One time the wren sat on the end of the kitchen counter, watching my daughter making lacto-fermented sauerkraut. He popped up from behind my son's desk and land on the keyboard. His favorite ride was getting between a closed curtain and the window, and climbing up the curtain to pop out the top.

After our wren friend had been around for many, many days, getting comfortable with us, and getting chubby from ladybugs, he brought in a friend. The new one was not so curious, not so poking about, and very skittish. The pair was then named Jack and Jill, on the assumption that the first was male and the second female. Were we right? Who knows? We figured he thought he'd hit pay dirt on a place to nest and he was showing his lady what he'd found. She seemed more frightened than impressed.

Jill didn't last long. We found her the next morning, on the floor in the living room, right next to my husband's recliner. We think maybe she was under it when he sat down and she got crushed when the chair moved. She wasn't mangled, but apparently she was injured enough to end it.

We were a little sad. Sure, we knew we really needed to get the birds out of the house and were trying to figure out how to do it. We'd given up on shooing them out a window, because obviously they had another way in, and were always back in short order. But, still, it was sad.

After Jill was gone, Jack seemed to be even more active, more bold. And he got very fat, even obese, if that's possible for a wren. He was gorging himself on the ladybugs, and he looked about twice as big as when he'd first come. I found him in the basement on Friday evening, not moving very much, and he let me get close enough that I could almost touch him before he even seemed to notice. I wonder if it's possible for birds to eat themselves to death, because my daughter found him dead soon after that, still in the basement, just laying in the middle of the floor.

So, Jack's gone, Jill's gone, and we still have no idea how they got in. I'd gotten used to Jack, even talked to him and played a bit. It was a little bright spot to have him excitedly exploring what is just everyday stuff to us. I miss him -- a bit.

But, sooner or later, I'm quite certain that another bird will find the way in, and think he's going to Disneyland.

I'm not bad - I'm just drawn that way

2010-02-12T09:57:00.001-05:00

When you work for one of those telephone scam places, does the employee benefits package cover removal of your soul? Or is that considered a deductible business expense?

You have to be evil to work for one of these businesses - the ones that try to trick you into saying certain phrases while being recorded so they have "proof" that you agreed to something you never would in a million years. You end up getting a bill for some lame website they say you agreed to, or advertising in an online directory nobody knows about, or you unwittingly have agreed to let them add a charge to your phone bill for some purported service they have provided you.

Once it becomes clear it's just a scam and not a legitimate business, hang up, but until then, our policy is never to say the word "yes" when talking to an unknown person or business on the phone. Not easy, but it can be done, and will save headaches in the long run.

In a People House

2010-02-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

We have a new tenant here at The Big House in the Little Woods, unwelcome, but determined to stay. We've tossed him out several times, but he manages to find his way back in short order. He has rudely taken full run of the house, poking about, here and there, into everything, and acting as if he is the owner and we are the tenants. He has never paid a dime in rent.

Oh, and he's pooped on a few things.

Our intruder is a tiny bird, a wren of some sort, I believe. We've no idea how he gets in, but apparently there is a hole somewhere, tiny enough that we don't see it, but big enough for him to come and go as he pleases. I guess a standard wren house just isn't enough for him - he wants those wide open spaces. Well, we have plenty -- this is a post and beam house without a lot of interior walls, and a foyer open to the roof. On the third floor, where our daughter has her "room" there are no walls and he can fly from one end of the house to the other - which he does. A lot.

This little fellow is the second bird who's weaseled his way into our house repeatedly. The first one was around for months, so long that my daughter had named him - Charlie. Mostly Charlie was just around early in the morning. He'd let us all know, loudly, that the sun was coming up, then he'd stay outside once he was evicted for the day. No such luck this time - though not nearly as noisy as Charlie, he is not shy at all, and seems to like being around us. He even hung around my son for a while when he was at his desk working.

Of course, this little guy, as yet unnamed, doesn't know what happened to Charlie or he might not be quite so adventurous and downright nosy.

I wonder how many other birds besides Charlie have met their doom by landing in a mousetrap?

UPDATE: And then there were two. This new one looks like a female. She's still shy. He's showing her around. My daughter has named them now: Jack and Jill. I looked at my husband and asked him what we're going to do. He just stared.

This is getting rather silly.

January 12 is Smack a Twilight Fan Day

2010-01-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

There are rules, you know.

Zombies do not run.

Werewolves do not fly.

Vampires. Do. Not. Sparkle.

Do your part: Smack a Twilight fan today

If you don't see this in time,
it's okay. Smack 'em anyway.

So, how was your weekend?

2009-12-22T18:43:00.000-05:00

Anything exciting? Newsworthy?

My two-months-to-go-until-twenty year old daughter got engaged over the weekend.

Your turn.

Stormtrooper fail

2009-12-13T10:52:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so the right side is cut off a bit. Sry. Don't know how to fix that coz I'm not THAT much of a geek.

Click on the picture at your own risk - while this one is tame, you may find some items on that site very offensive.

My Best Christmas Poem

2009-12-13T09:53:00.000-05:00

Percy the un-striped zebra
had a very plain white coat
When the striped zebras saw it,
they'd just stand around and gloat.

All of the other zebras
used to laugh and call him names,
but Percy taught them all a lesson
when he pulled out his AK-47
which he'd had retrofitted
for easy operation
without opposable thumbs.

Okay, well, so it's not technically a Christmas poem, per se, but of course, it calls to mind one Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Ol' Rudy took the pacifist route, but Percy shows us another way one can go, albeit not such a good one.

Merry Christmas, and best wishes for the coming new year.

Celebrity tweetbaiting

2009-12-04T00:10:00.000-05:00

Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) retweeted me! I know that at least one of my three regular readers doesn't know about twitter, so for you, that means I said something to him on twitter, and he replied.

Those of you thinking, "...so?" obviously don't know that not only did Michael McKean play the Lenny half of "Lenny & Squiggy" on the pivotal 70s sitcom, Laverne & Shirley, but he was a key member of the fake band Spinal Tap in the cult rockumentary "This is Spinal Tap" and....and this is (in my mind) the biggest of all...he played Agent Morris Fletcher in The X-Files episode Dreamland, wherein he pulled off a most excellent portrayal of Agent Fox Mulder trapped in Morris Fletcher's body. Oh, and he did a bunch of other stuff.

There are tons of celebrities on twitter, and millions of people talking to them, trying to get a response. Obviously, no celeb is going to be able to reply to everyone, so it's kind of cool when you get one of them there famous people to talk to you. The only other celebrity reply I've gotten was from @JohnLarroquette, when he answered my query about his twitter wallpaper picture (he changes it nearly every day, choosing art I've never seen - worth a look)

Anyway, Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) tweeted about doing an episode of Sesame Street, so I asked him a question about it. Here's the link to his reply

And if you don't want to click that link and look, here's what it says:

RT @ThatBobbieGirl @MJMcKean Won't you tell me how you got, how you got to Sesame Street? They said: "somebody come & play" and sent a car.

Uh......

2009-11-16T14:25:00.000-05:00

I've plucked actual chickens with my actual hands. This looks a lot easier, faster, and as long as the chicken is already dead, I don't see any harm in it. Still, it's not easy watching the bird go for a spin in this homemade chicken plucker.

The US has got a fever

2009-11-13T19:18:00.000-05:00

And the only cure is...

I don't know the origin, but this is hilarious. Even though I completely disagree with everything Obama is doing, I had to share this. Or maybe that's WHY I had to share it. Sometimes, I feel like I have to laugh to avoid screaming.

Moon Landings - Faked or Real?

2009-10-31T16:39:00.000-04:00

So, until I saw Capricorn One I had never thought to question much of anything that I was told about the government. It was kind of like taking a red pill moment for me, and I've been pretty much been a mess ever since.

Of course, it didn't make me immediately doubt the veracity of the moon landings. That took a while. But it did make me consider...possibilities.

We are led to believe that the United States federal government is such a lumbering giant of a thing that it couldn't possibly pull off something so complex without somebody blowing the whistle. The thing is, some people do blow the whistle, but they're immediately marginalized, ridiculed and made out to be such kooks that nobody wants to even consider that they may have a point. We've no REAL JOURNALISTS left in the mainstream, so finding the truth is left to those who can't get any airtime because it's not good for business (read: sponsors).

This site intrigues me - I'm still not convinced that we didn't go to the moon. But then again, neither am I convinced that we DID go to the moon. There are some points to ponder here. Go take a look for yourself.

Moon Landings Faked??

Come back and tell me what you think.
(I'll send you a cookie.)

Dyslexic much? Very yes.

2009-10-03T08:28:00.000-04:00

I was reading an online news article about something questionable.

One of the comments after the story said, "Elvis is in the eye of the beholder."

After my "huh??" moment, I shook my head, and I looked again.

While I was shaking my head, someone had stealthily replaced "Elvis" with "Evil."

Hey, I know what I was.

Er...saw.

Bacon of the Month Club? Do NOT tell my husband

2009-10-02T19:29:00.000-04:00

He thinks bacon should be it's own food group. And eggnog. Not together - he thinks each one should be it's own food group. Anyway, he's gaga for bacon. With or without eggnog.

And now here's this Bacon of the Month Club. With Artisan bacon, delivered to your door each month.

Artisan.

Bacon.

Delivered.

DELIVERED? And a membership card? And a little toy pig? He'd love that -- it'd go right next to his monitor. Oh, and the pig nose? Only at home, but he'd wear it in a heartbeat.

Seriously, I will have to hunt you down and hurt you bad if you're the one he finds out about this from.

Generate Design: Best. Store. Ever.

2009-10-01T19:00:00.000-04:00

Somehow, I've never come across this place until today. If I had unlimited resources for purchasing things that just make me go, "Whoa. I wish I'd thought of that!" then a lot of those resources would end up being spent at Generate Design. They make ordinary items into the extraordinary.

Generate Design They have Cool Stuff. Very Cool Stuff. Extremely Amazingly Very Way Cool Stuff.

I was not compensated in any way for this endorsement. They've never heard of me. But if someone wants to throw a pair of those hugging salt & pepper shakers my way, I would not refuse them. (ME WANT!!!)

a priori

2009-09-03T21:47:00.000-04:00

The tomato is evidence enough that God loves us.

Yet another example of my complete lack of coolness

2009-08-29T12:58:00.000-04:00

For the most part, when I was in elementary school, I would buy my lunch at school. Once in a while, however, I wanted to take my lunch. I do not remember why, because I wasn't a particularly picky child. I would just eat whatever was being served - brussels sprouts were one thing I didn't care for, but as the cafeteria never served them, that wasn't a problem. But, on occasion, for whatever reason, I would take my lunch.

One thing I do know, for certain: It was not because I had an awesomely cool and amazing lunch box. At least not after my Captain Kangaroo thermos broke and the matching lunchbox got rusty. My dad came up with a replacement for me, and I have no idea where he laid his hands on it.

You guessed it. My next lunch box was covered in airline logos and pictures of friendly captains and stewardesses. (Because back in the sixties, that's what we all called them!) These aren't pictures of my actual lunchbox -- I came across these quite by accident on ebay. Someone else had one, too!

It was kind of weird, I never knew where it came from. It's not like Dad was a pilot. Or even that he flew a lot. One thing was certain -- it never got mistaken for someone else's lunchbox.

Excuse me - why do you have a banana in your ear?

2009-08-28T10:48:00.000-04:00

I don't -- I have a cell phone in my banana.

If you've always wanted to answer a banana, this is for you. Cellfoam, a banana shaped cell phone holder, is reasonably priced, if somewhat goofy. Are you still considered Mostly Sane by people you encounter? This product should clear that right up for you. Oh, and you can get a holster for your banana as well.

Listen To Your Mother

2009-08-25T14:37:00.000-04:00

All her fairy tale dreams of living happily ever after went up in smoke as Princess Margie stared at the charred remains of her wedding guests. She realized that her late mother’s concern about her future son-in-law had not been unreasonable. And with a sigh, she acknowledged the fact that, glamorous at it had seemed in the not-too-distant past, being Mrs. Firebreathingdragon would be a lonely life, indeed.

Hypo-allergenic talking kitten

2009-08-22T18:21:00.000-04:00

Kittens are adorable - especially talking kittens, and most especially talking kittens that won't give me an allergic reaction because they're on video. This kitty doesn't have a big vocabulary yet, but he knows how to tell us he's enjoying his NOMZ.

How to clean your toast 101

2009-06-24T12:44:00.001-04:00

My toast ALWAYS falls (not that I drop my toast every time, mind you. I just mean, whenever I DO drop it) -- my toast almost always falls "stuff side" up, rather than down.

I think I must have a guardian toast angel.

Never can have too much insurance

2009-03-19T17:25:00.001-04:00

Maybe an insurance product like this is what AIG needs to look into...

Making Scents of Memories

2009-02-11T12:00:00.001-05:00

Adecco had me work again on the "Freedom line" at the Mott's plant in Aspers, using a tape gun for an entire shift. They had different tape this time -- better tape that didn't snag up the gun as much. As I was taping the umpteenth corner post onto a pallet-full of apple juice as it rolled by, a memory was triggered.

Remember the little metal tubes of "make it yourself" balloons? I don't know if you can even get the stuff anymore, but it was one of my favorite carnival prizes. It came with a little straw. You'd squeeze out a ball of the goo, and put it on the straw, then blow it into a balloon. It was, to me, a most amazing thing. Pinch the end to seal it, and you had a balloon.

It's odd, but the smell of the tape was exactly like the balloon in a tube. It was probably due to some dangerous chemical that I shouldn't deliberately inhale, but the memory it triggered made the rest of the shift a little more...fun.

The Only Good Cat...

2008-11-21T20:47:00.001-05:00

...in my opinion, is a lolcat.
They are guaranteed 100% hypoallergenic.
But, they can be addictive.

See other lolcats (and other lolanimals) at I Can Has Cheezburger?
You can even check out the lolz I've made on the site if you click here

Stealth Fail

2008-11-17T18:03:00.001-05:00

I made this over at I Can Has Cheezburger using their lol builder. The picture was taken by my friend Natalie after her husband used his mad mousetrapping skilz.

If you happen to think this is worthy, click on the picture to go to the website and give me a nice, happy rating.

While you're there, hit the "HOME" page and check out some lolcat pictures. They crack me up, and it's the only way to really enjoy cats -- no watery eyes or sneezing, and no hairballs to deal with...

It's really bugging me

2008-10-05T20:52:00.001-04:00

I don't know what this critter is, and that wouldn't bother me so much, except for the fact that I found it in my basement.

In the bathroom.

While I was, ahem, using the bathroom.

These things look kinda like grasshoppers or crickets, but also disturbingly remind me of cockroaches. They give me the creeps like cockroaches. They don't make any sound, like crickets do, but they do jump, and also creep/crawl. I know there are a bazillion varieties of those nasty 'roaches, and I hope with all my heart (and spleen, and liver, and whatever organs haven't been surgically removed) that this isn't one of them, because they're waaaaaayyy bigger than any roaches I've had to deal with before.

Now, as far as scale is concerned, this may look like the size of a lobster, but it's actually only about two and one-half inches long.

Uh, strike that. "Only" is not the word to use along with "two and one-half inches" when describing the size of an insect you found in your house. This is huge. A monster. A creepy-crawly behemoth.

And it must die.

Getting the crops in...

2008-07-21T22:14:00.001-04:00

Lately I've gotten into some extreme cropping. Zooming way in and cropping out just an interesting piece of a face, which may or may not be recognizable.

Like this one, which is one of my favorites. It's the first one I did, and I liked it so much I kept going.

.....more to follow.....

It's a gas, gas, gas!

2008-07-07T20:08:00.001-04:00

My son does his not-yet-famous impersonation of Mick Jagger's mouth.

Yikes.

So this is what that Devo song was about....

2008-07-01T20:17:00.001-04:00

Whippet, good!

Spotted on the shelf at Kennie's Market, Gettysburg.

And, if anyone was passing behind me as I stood there getting this shot, they probably wondered why I was singing, "Crack that whip....."

Of course, they probably also wondered why I was taking a picture of cookie boxes.

Talk to the pan

2008-06-25T17:37:00.001-04:00

This "Don't eat me!!!" face is on....

...a quesadilla.

We ignored the screams and ate him anyway.
He was delicious.

That's Entertainment

2008-06-24T10:41:00.001-04:00

Spotted at the seat next to mine, at Hoss's Steak & Sea House, Gettysburg, PA.

Anyone who thinks my husband is no fun just hasn't taken the time to get to know him.

Check, please

2008-06-23T10:45:00.001-04:00

Spotted on our dining table. Take-out pizza box from a restaurant called Little Italy V, located down the road from us at 3585 Chambersburg Road, Biglerville, PA.

Got the Munch-ies?

2008-06-18T22:09:00.001-04:00

This was the view from the driver-side window of my Chevy Blazer, one day last August. I was in a municipal parking lot, located behind the Adams County Library, in the middle of downtown Gettysburg, PA,

It's an old-style garage door.

Big deal, right?

Take a closer look
to see what made me scream
with delight
and pull out my camera phone

(click photos for larger view)

No Two Mulch Beds Are Not On Fire

2008-06-18T21:59:00.001-04:00

Spotted in Gettysburg, PA, at the hotel diagonal from the Sheetz on US Highway 30 (aka Lincoln Highway).

Dinotopia, it ain't -- Thank goodness

2007-08-16T15:20:00.000-04:00

My son. No matter where he is or what he's doing, he's always on stage.

He found this friendly triceratops at the Creation Museum.

Ride 'em, Dino Boy!